Life After Divorce
Life After Divorce
Navigating breakups and divorce are some of the hardest things we can ever go through. Whether you’re the one being dumped or doing the dumping, there were likely times in the relationship when you saw yourself growing older with the other person. You had all these expectations, hopes, and dreams for the relationship. Your lives might’ve been intertwined in so many ways. And now, the idea of carrying on seems like a daunting, hopeless road you didn’t ask for.
During tough moments, our feelings of hurt, shock, despair, and worthlessness can cloud other possibilities – possibilities that can inspire change, growth, and most importantly hope. Therefore, below are some ideas to carry you through this tough time.
Let yourself feel
Collectively, I think we all know that breaking up involves mourning. Yet I suspect grieving and feeling are some of the toughest tasks after a breakup. This is where conducting extra work hours, meeting new lovers, or filling up one’s social calendar is tempting. While some of these things are healthy and helpful, it may be inviting to overdo it to distract yourself and just “get through the day.” Ultimately, the grieving process is essential when moving on from a relationship.
Delve into your social and familial relationships
The absence of your ex can deepen the loneliness, adding another layer to the already painful experience of a breakup. One of the most powerful salves for emotional pain is feeling connected. Being seen and heard by cherished family members and friends can soothe some of your pain. Whether you’d like to hear their stories of having gained and lost their own loves, whether you’d prefer they lend an ear, or you’d rather spend time in the company of another, it’s all important and nourishing.
Reflect on the relationship
Once you've been doing the work of feeling your emotions and navigating the grieving process, the next step is to reflect on the relationship and extract the lessons it holds. Initially, there may be a period where you may be attached to certain “good” memories or look back on the relationship with rose-colored glasses. This is normal and expected, though it’ll likely propel you towards feeling helpless and more hurt. Instead, looking back to understand the highs and lows of the relationship can eventually help you determine what you want for yourself and your other relationships in the future.
A breakup or divorce can be life-altering. While this relationship loss may be the end of a chapter, remember that many other chapters where joy, love, self-discovery, and growth can bloom.
About the Author
Jackeline Morales, MS, AMFT143563 is an associate marriage and family therapist supervised by Jeremy Mast, MS, MDiv, LMFT (CA90961) at the Center for Integrative Change. She gained her master’s degree from California Lutheran University. She is dedicated to guiding individuals and couples towards greater self-awareness, helping them break free from unhelpful patterns that hinder personal growth and relational harmony. Jackeline is bilingual and can work with clients in English and Spanish. She has specialized training in trauma and employs a compassionate, relational, and collaborative approach in her work. Jackeline supports clients through navigating infidelity, interpersonal challenges, attachment issues, parenting struggles, grief, and complex trauma.
