A Betrayal Trauma Success Story
A Betrayal Trauma Success Story
This is a success story. It’s not just one, but it’s many. It’s the story of my clients, my friends, and people I have never met. It’s also a love letter to my clients. A testament to their journey and the strength I get to witness every day.
“What the actual f*ck?” is what I remember thinking when I first got sent a picture of my husband with another woman. I was in the drop-off line at my kid’s school. It took everything in me to not ram into the black Chevy Tahoe in front of me. Through gritted teeth I told my kids to have a good day and the rest is a blur. I know I went home. I know I called my husband. Knowing me, I probably called him some awful names. The only thing I knew for sure is that I must be the stupidest woman in the world to not know my husband of 12 years had been cheating on me.
The next few weeks felt like a Monday morning in the dead of winter. Or maybe the peak of Halloween. I was full on zombie mode. Purely trying to survive. I found out more about what my husband did. He swore it was only one girl. Turns out it was dozens. Turns out I had chlamydia. Turns out my husband had a secret credit card that I never noticed. At this point I don’t know what is real, it feels like I’m living in a dream. I hate my husband and also our sex life has never been better. I feel so stupid. He lied to me, he put my life at risk. And I’m choosing to sleep with him.
Two months in and I hadn’t told a soul. I didn’t want my friends to hate my husband. I didn’t want my friends to hate me for staying with my husband. I’m terrified of being left completely alone and no one feels completely safe. However, we’ve started counseling. I’m in individual therapy and so is my husband. Sometimes, we meet together as a couple. I am starting to realize that what my husband did isn’t my fault. Sometimes I can believe that, but many times I can’t. I feel like a crazy person, constantly checking up on my husband and asking him the same questions hundreds of times.
Six months in and I now believe what my husband did wasn’t about me (at least 80% of the time). I’ve learned about his sex addiction and how he needed to mask his emotions. I have also decided to ask him to move out for a bit. I am still so confused and am not sure what is real. We are going through a disclosure process and soon I will hopefully get answers to all my questions.
One year in and I now feel confident that I know the entire truth. A couple lie-detector tests and thousands of dollars worth of therapy later, I’m getting my breath back. In fact, my husband moved back in just last month. I am seeing sides of him that I’ve never seen before. Vulnerable sides. It feels like a wall has come down between us. And the thing is, I never even knew the wall was there.
Two years in and I have rebuilt myself. I still hurt from the betrayal, I don’t think it will ever go away. But I love the person I am now way more than the person I was before I knew the truth. This person has been to hell and survived it. This person knows how to recognize what she needs and how to not minimize that. This person knows her worth and can trust herself. This person still has doubts, but she is hopeful that she will continue to experience the fruits of her hard work. She is not just doing her work. She is doing the work of her mom and her grandmother, all the women before her who never had the chance or the will to heal from their own hurts. This woman is not passing it on to her children.
Who is this woman? This woman is the mom in front of you at the grocery store. This woman is a CEO of a successful company. This woman is a social media influencer, always showing a smile. This woman is the most beautiful woman you know. Betrayal doesn’t discriminate, and is unfortunately much more common than you would imagine. But this is why I love this work. I get to meet these women, hear their stories, and share their tears. It is an honor being your therapist.
About The Author
Jorden Groenink, MS, AMFT, APCC an associate marriage and family therapist (AMFT136162) and an Associate Professional Clinical Counselor (APCC12906), supervised by Jeremy Mast, MS, MDiv, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT (CA90961). She has been trained in Experiential Therapy and loves working with couples and individuals who want to experience a more fulfilling life. Jorden wholeheartedly believes that every person is worthy of love and relationship. When not working with clients or listening to audiobooks, Jorden enjoys spending time with her family (husband, dog, & cat) and doing DIY projects around her house.
