Going The Distance: Tips For Maintaining Your Long-Distance Relationship
Going The Distance: Tips For Maintaining Your Long-Distance Relationship
Long gone are the days where long-distance dating is a rarity. Nowadays it’s likely that you have been in a long-distance relationship (LDR) before or know someone that’s been in one. In some cases, partners may originate from different cities. In others, educational and career-related opportunities may arise, which results in individuals considering long-distance dating.
Does absence make the heart grow fonder?
Whether it’s miscommunication mishaps, arguments about boundaries, or worse, instances of cheating, there are many challenges you might imagine could develop when attempting to date long-distance. However, research shows that long distance relationships can be just as stable and enriching as those between individuals that live close to one another.
Researchers Stafford and Merolla (2007) view idealization as a key factor that enhances relational satisfaction for individuals in LDRs. They define idealization as cognitive and behavioral actions that make way for romantic love, such as thinking positively about the relationship and one another, presenting yourself in a positive light, and dispelling small upsets that occur. While idealization is needed in all romantic relationships to a degree, said researchers found that idealization was more pronounced in LDRs. This may be attributed to those in LDRs having less face-to-face interactions in comparison to geographically close relationships, thereby fostering positive thoughts and behaviors about your significant other and your relationship.
According to this research, the expression “distance makes the heart grow fonder” appears to be true.
Ready to conquer the distance together? Below are some tips to maintain and strengthen your bond despite the miles.
Plan ahead
Whether you’ve had other long-distance relationships before or not, it can be useful to sit down with your current partner and discuss your boundaries and expectations about the relationship before embarking on a long-distance dating journey. If you haven’t done so yet, it’s never too late to begin such conversations, and in fact it’s probably a conversation to revisit on occasion. Some common boundaries revolve around communication, time, sex/ intimacy, emotions, and finances.
Have meaningful check-ins
We all know that relationships thrive off effective communication. Given the distance, individuals in LDRs require frequent communication via calls, texts, and video calls to remain connected to one another. But it is equally important to check in with one another in a meaningful way beyond “What are you up to?” from time-to-time. Make sure to also check up on each other’s interests, struggles, and feelings. That way, you’re not only up to date with your partner’s life, but you keep learning about them as well.
Schedule dates
Planning dates is a way to get the much-needed one-on-one time together and reconnect. This can be done through virtual dates, such as watching a movie together via Zoom or sharing a meal together on Facetime. Similarly, you can schedule future in-person dates, which would also provide some fun activities to look forward to doing with each other.
Foster your relationship to yourself
Your relationship with yourself is as important as your relationship with your partner! Go out on solo dates, spend time with friends, try out new hobbies, and practice self-care. Think about this way: when you are content and fulfilled, you are more likely to contribute positively to your relationship.
Try couple’s therapy.
Couples may encounter hurdles along their long-distance journey and be unsure of how to cope with the challenges. If this happens, trying couple’s therapy may be beneficial. A therapist could help the couple manage this transition and assist with common issues like communication or boundaries.
References:
Stafford, L., & Merolla, A. J. (2007). Idealization, reunions, and stability in long-distance dating relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 24(1), 37-54.
About the Author
Jackeline Morales (AMFT143563) gained her master’s degree from California Lutheran University. She is dedicated to guiding individuals and couples towards greater self-awareness, helping them break free from unhelpful patterns that hinder personal growth and relational harmony. Jackeline is bilingual and can work with clients in English and Spanish. She has specialized training in trauma and employs a compassionate, relational, and collaborative approach in her work. Jackeline supports clients through navigating infidelity, interpersonal challenges, attachment issues, parenting struggles, grief, and complex trauma.
