The Secret Weapon for Stronger Relationships: Validation
The Secret Weapon for Stronger Relationships: Validation
Ever feel like your partner is speaking a different language? They're venting about a bad day, and your attempts to cheer them up just seem to fall flat. Maybe you offer solutions, or try to downplay the situation, but they just don't feel heard. This is where the magic of validation comes in.
Validation: The Unsung Hero
Validation simply means acknowledging and understanding your partner's feelings, without judgement. It's not about agreeing with them, but letting them know their emotions are valid. Think of it as the emotional equivalent of a hug - a warm embrace that says, "I see you, and your feelings matter."
Why is validation such a secret weapon? Because in the hustle and bustle of life, feeling heard and understood is a powerful aphrodisiac for relationships. Validation strengthens your emotional connection, fosters better communication, and builds trust.
The Art of Listening
The foundation of validation is truly listening. This isn't about waiting for your turn to speak, but actively engaging with what your partner is saying. Put away your phone, make eye contact, and nod occasionally to show you're present. As they talk, try summarizing what you hear to show you're following along.
Words of Affirmation
Now comes the magic part: validating their feelings. Remember, validation doesn't equal agreement. If your partner is stressed about work, you don't have to say, "Your boss is a nightmare!" Instead, try something like, "That sounds incredibly frustrating. Work can be such a pressure cooker." This acknowledges their emotions and lets them know you're on their team.
Here are some other validating phrases you can use:
"I can see why you'd feel that way."
"It must be really difficult to deal with..."
"I understand why you're upset."
"That's a perfectly normal reaction to..."
Avoid dismissive phrases that minimize their feelings, like "Don't worry about it," or "It's not a big deal."
Empathy: Walking in Their Shoes
Sometimes the best way to validate your partner is to see things from their perspective. Try putting yourself in their shoes and imagine how you'd feel in the same situation. Phrases like, "I can imagine how overwhelmed you must feel," or "Tell me more about what's bothering you," show empathy and open the door for deeper communication.
Actions Speak Louder
Remember, validation isn't just about words. A gentle touch on the arm, a hug, or offering them your undivided attention can all be powerful ways to show you care.
Building a Stronger Bond
Taking the time to validate your partner shows that you value their feelings and experiences. It strengthens your emotional connection, fosters trust, and creates a safe space for open communication. So next time your partner wants to talk, put down the distractions, listen actively, and validate their feelings. You might be surprised at the positive impact it has on your relationship.
Ready to Give it a Try?
Think about a recent conversation with your partner. Were there any opportunities where you could have used more validation? The next time you talk, put these tips into practice and see how your communication improves!
About the Author
Spencer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (CALMFT141641) and Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist Candidate supervised by Jeremy Mast, MS, MDiv, LMFT (CA90961) at the Center for Integrative Change. He has focused his career on helping individuals and couples break free and heal from unwanted sexual behaviors. Spencer is motivated by the hope and restoration he has found in his own journey toward healing. When he is not helping others in, or producing content about this field, he enjoys running, traveling, and discovering local eateries with loved ones.
