How Can I Help my Depressed Partner?
How Can I Help My Depressed Partner?
Depression can be dark, scary, and heavy. When someone we love is struggling with depression, we can feel helpless, heartbroken, and unsure of what to do. If you have a partner who has depression, here are some things that can be helpful for both you and your partner (This also rings true if you have family members and friends who struggle with depression).
You Can’t Force Them to Heal
This is one of the hardest things to accept. If your partner does not want to help themselves, you cannot make them get help. Of course, you can be supportive and assist your partner in gettinf help if they desire, but ultimately it’s not your choice to make. If your partner is not ready or is unwilling to get the help that they need, it is appropriate for you to enforce your boundaries for your mental well-being. This is a tricky and often grief-filled situation that is best done with the support of others, including a therapist.
2. Talking About it Doesn’t Make it Worse
If your partner is depressed, it makes sense if you try and be as cheerful as possible, hoping to brighten their spirits. You may even avoid negative topics, for fear of making your partner feel worse. This is one of the big myths of depression. Talking about depression and the symptoms that come along with it (including suicidal ideation) does not make your partner more likely to act out of their depression. It can actually be really helpful to talk about it. Ignoring the dark thoughts that your partner has or being afraid to listen to them does not help your partner feel safe.
3. Your Partner Isn’t Choosing to Have Depression
When your partner is depressed, it can become frustrating at times. As much as you may feel like a jerk for admitting it, it is easy to be impatient with constant gloominess ruining your good day. One thing that is important to remember is that your partner is not choosing to have depression. As much as it sucks for you, it sucks even more for them. Your partner is not their depression, but the depression is a third party in the relationship that is leeching onto your partner. To remind yourself of this, it can be helpful for you and your partner to pick a name for the depression, draw a picture of it, and treat it like a third person who keeps hanging around. This helps you both work towards coping with the depression, can help you feel less frustrated at your partner, and can help your partner feel less ashamed of their feelings.
4. Make Sure You Have Your Support
Last but not least, make sure you have your support system. Walking through depression with our loved ones is a difficult journey sure to be filled with ups and downs. You deserve to have a support system, whether it’s with family or friends, church groups, or professional therapy.
If someone you love is dealing with depression and you would like to learn more about how to support them while also caring for yourself, schedule an appointment with one of our therapists today.
About The Author
Jorden Groenink, MS, AMFT, APCC an associate marriage and family therapist (AMFT136162) and an Associate Professional Clinical Counselor (APCC12906), supervised by Jeremy Mast, MS, MDiv, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT (CA90961). She has been trained in Experiential Therapy and loves working with couples and individuals who want to experience a more fulfilling life. Jorden wholeheartedly believes that every person is worthy of love and relationship. When not working with clients or listening to audiobooks, Jorden enjoys spending time with her family (husband, dog, & cat) and doing DIY projects around her house.
