The Impact of Trauma on Relationships and How to Heal Together
The Impact of Trauma on Relationships and How to Heal Together
Trauma can have a profound impact on relationships, often creating barriers to intimacy, trust, and communication. Whether the trauma is from childhood experiences, past relationships, or other life events, its effects can ripple through every aspect of a person's life, including their relationships. Understanding these impacts and finding ways to heal together can strengthen the bond between partners and foster a supportive and loving environment.
The Impact of Trauma on Relationships
1. Trust Issues: Trauma can lead to difficulties in trusting others, which can be particularly challenging in intimate relationships. A person who has experienced trauma may be hyper-vigilant, constantly on the lookout for signs of danger or betrayal. This can create a barrier to forming deep, trusting connections with their partner.
2. Communication Barriers: Trauma can affect a person's ability to communicate effectively. They may struggle to express their feelings, needs, and boundaries, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. Additionally, trauma survivors may have a heightened sensitivity to criticism or perceived rejection, making it difficult to engage in open and honest conversations.
3. Emotional Dysregulation: Trauma can cause intense emotional reactions that may seem disproportionate to the situation at hand. This emotional dysregulation can lead to frequent arguments, emotional outbursts, or withdrawal, making it challenging for both partners to navigate their relationship.
4. Attachment Issues: Trauma can impact a person's attachment style, leading to patterns of avoidance, anxiety, or ambivalence in relationships. These attachment issues can create a push-pull dynamic, where one partner may seek closeness while the other withdraws, leading to a cycle of unmet needs and frustration.
Healing Together
Healing from trauma is a journey that requires patience, understanding, and support from both partners. Here are some strategies to help couples heal together:
1. Open Communication: Creating a safe space for open and honest communication is essential. Encourage each other to share your feelings, thoughts, and experiences without judgment. Active listening and empathy can help build trust and understanding.
2. Therapy: Seeking professional help can be incredibly beneficial. Couples therapy can provide a structured environment to address trauma-related issues and develop healthy communication and coping strategies. Individual therapy can also help each partner work through their trauma and its impact on the relationship.
3. Somatic Healing: Somatic healing focuses on the connection between the mind and body. Techniques such as yoga, mindfulness, and bodywork can help trauma survivors release stored tension and trauma from their bodies. Practices like these can promote relaxation, reduce anxiety, and improve emotional regulation.
4. Parts Work: Parts work, such as Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy or Comprehensive Resource Model (CRM), involves exploring and understanding the different parts of oneself that have been affected by trauma. By acknowledging and integrating these parts, individuals can gain a deeper understanding of their behaviors and reactions, leading to greater self-compassion and healing.
5. Building Trust: Rebuilding trust takes time and consistent effort. Be patient with each other and focus on small, consistent actions that demonstrate reliability and care. Trust-building activities, such as spending quality time together, expressing appreciation, and keeping promises, can help strengthen the bond between partners.
6. Self-Care: Both partners should prioritize self-care to maintain their well-being. Engaging in activities that bring joy, relaxation, and fulfillment can help reduce stress and improve overall mental health. Encourage each other to take time for self-care and support each other's efforts.
Resources
Books:
"The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk
"Healing Trauma: A Pioneering Program for Restoring the Wisdom of Your Body" by Peter A. Levine
"Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – “Love" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Websites:
National Center for PTSD (https://www.ptsd.va.gov/)
The Trauma Foundation (https://www.traumafoundation.org/)
Somatic Experiencing® (https://traumahealing.org/)
Healing from trauma is a challenging but rewarding journey. By working together, couples can create a supportive and loving environment that fosters growth, understanding, and resilience. Remember, healing is not a linear process, and it's essential to be patient and compassionate with yourselves and each other as you navigate this path together.
About The Author
Alison Hochman has a master's in clinical psychology from California Lutheran University and is an associate marriage and family therapist (AMFT136501) supervised by Jeremy Mast, MS, MDiv, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT (CA90961). Alison helps people break free from self-destructive behaviors and limiting patterns to live their fullest and most authentic life.
