My Favorite Marriage Advice
I try to not be the person who gives unsolicited advice to everyone around me. However, whenever I have a friend getting married, I can’t help but share my favorite marriage advice with them. Are you ready to hear it…?
Have weekly marriage meetings!
This might not seem revolutionary, or even fun, but it is a wonderful tool to cultivate a safe, loving, and intimate marriage. And trust me, you can make it fun!
So how does it work? First of all, set designated time aside each week for your meeting. I would suggest allocating at least 30 minutes for this so that each partner has the time they need to express their feelings. I would also suggest adding some fun elements, such as having the meeting at a coffee shop or picking up a little treat that you can snack on during your discussion. (If you can’t tell, my idea of fun revolves largely around coffee and snacks.)
Now that you have some time set aside, this is how it works… Have a predetermined list of questions that you ask every week. Here are the ones that I like to ask:
What went well for you this week?
What went wrong for you this week?
Did I do anything to upset or disappoint you this week?
Have you been dreaming about anything this week?
What can I do for you this upcoming week?
How is our sex life?
You can definitely tweak these questions to your liking as well. For example, if you are religious, you can add, “How can I pray for you this week?” or maybe, “Do you need to forgive me for anything?” If you feel like you need to focus on your finances, maybe add something like, “How are our finances looking this week?” If life feels crazy busy, maybe you can go over the calendar for the week together. Make it work for you!
This is something that you can do without a journal, but there are also some great resources if you want to physically write down each other’s answers. In my experience, actually writing down answers has helped hold me accountable to actually do what I said I would do. I personally have “The Marriage Journal” and have also gifted it to at least three friends. Here are some links to “The Marriage Journal” and other similar choices that I recommend.
The Marriage Journal™ – Beating50Percent $32, this one also includes some fun extras such as planning yearly goals together and creating a family mission statement. This is a Christian-based journal.
How to Have a State of the Union Meeting (gottman.com) Free, this isn’t a journal resource, but some good information on how a weekly relationship meeting can go. The Gottman Institute calls their weekly marriage meetings “State of the Union” meetings.
Amazon.com: Marriage Meeting: Weekly Marriage Meeting: Goal setting worksheets and Marriage Journal: 9798616610645: Ramirez, M., Ramirez, V.: Books $8.99, this is a more affordable option if you want a physical journal to write down answers to your weekly questions.
Marriage takes work and we at the Center for Integrative Change want to make sure you have the tools to have a happy and healthy marriage. If you feel like you need help in your marriage and/or relationships, book an appointment with us today either online or with our care specialist.
About The Author
Jorden Groenink, MS, AMFT, APCC an associate marriage and family therapist (AMFT136162) and an Associate Professional Clinical Counselor (APCC12906), supervised by Jeremy Mast, MS, MDiv, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT (CA90961). She has been trained in Experiential Therapy and loves working with couples and individuals who want to experience a more fulfilling life. Jorden wholeheartedly believes that every person is worthy of love and relationship. When not working with clients or listening to audiobooks, Jorden enjoys spending time with her family (husband, dog, & cat) and doing DIY projects around her house.
