Moving Towards Your Issues to Find Healing
Moving Towards Your Issues to Find Healing
When we struggle with a deep-rooted issue, our natural tendency is usually not to move towards it. Instead, we often find that we want to move away from it hoping it will stop bothering us. While it may feel better in the moment to avoid it, it is not a great path to healing.
In Jay Stringer’s book Unwanted, he describes an interview he read about with Andy Casagrande, who films Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. During the interview, Casagrande described what he does when a great white shark is swimming towards him (144, 145), which we will talk more about in a moment. Now, you might be thinking… “what does swimming with sharks have to do with my issues?” Let’s take a closer look at what we can glean from this.
My Fear of Sharks
I love the ocean, and I am fascinated by sharks. However, if you put me in the ocean, all I can think about is sharks. Talk about terrifying! What do you think my natural response to this fear would be? Well, I could avoid the ocean altogether to avoid sharks, but if I did that, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the ocean. So now what?
In the interview referenced above, Casagrande describes that when he sees a great white shark, he swims towards it instead of away! What?! That’s right, he says that when these sharks see objects swimming away from it, it identifies them as prey! On the contrary, when he swims towards them, they don’t know what to do (Stringer 144, 145).
The same with our issues and struggles, if we are able to move towards them instead of away, we might find that we are able to face them and notice they are not so scary after all. This means that you can actually enjoy your life instead of constantly avoiding it.
Three Tips to Moving Towards and Healing Your Issues
1. Look Directly at Your Issues
While it could feel scary to look directly at your issues, it is the only way you will be able to confront and ultimately heal them. If your problems are used to you fleeing from them, try to move towards them so you can examine what is actually there. It may not be as scary as you think.
2. Be With Others
For some reason when I have others around me in the ocean, I feel less afraid of sharks. The same applies to our struggles. Not only can others help you through the difficulties you face, but you may suddenly feel less alone and isolated in them.
3. Be Kind to Yourself
You may or may not be aware of why you struggle with certain things, but if you can be kind to yourself in the process it can be tremendous. One way to do this is to acknowledge that your struggles may be rooted in experiences that were out of your control. You certainly don’t have to continue to struggle if you get some help, but see if you can show yourself some compassion in the meantime.
Wherever You Find Yourself
Whether your issue is pornography, out-of-control sexual behaviors, anxiety, or something else, you don’t have to keep swimming away from it. You might be surprised at the transformation that can occur when you look directly at the things that seem most treacherous in your life. Please remember to include others in the journey, and be kind to yourself in the process.
If you are ready to take a step towards healing, a therapist at the Center for Integrative Change can help.
About the Author
Alex Primo is a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Center for Integrative Change. With training in EMDR and additional training in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, he finds great joy in helping men break out of the cycle of unwanted sexual behavior, and helping couples restore trust and intimacy. When he is not seeing clients, he enjoys playing board games with his family, learning magic tricks, and rooting for the Dodgers.
